Fresh Nori Rolls

This is more of an idea for you to try and alter as you like. You can put whatever you want in these rolls. Make yours prettier than mine by jamming less stuff into them!! (I was hungry)

You can also roll them like this!

Nori is full of protein. One sheet has as much fiber as a cup of raw spinach, more omega-3 fatty acids than a cup of avocado and It also contains more vitamin C than an orange! It is full of B12 and helps control cholesterol. Besides being really good for you, it makes a great stuff holder and a fun way to eat your fish and veggies. Dieting and eating healthy doesn't have to be boring! Nori can be found in any supermarket and looks like this.

You MUST toast the nori sheets before you use them or they will be chewy, your cone will break when you try to bite it, and shit will fly out everywhere. It only takes a second and is a crucial step. Click Here to see a great video on how to do it before you start rolling.




I rolled into mine:
(Note: I didn't use any rice because carbs are evil...)
Julinned zucchini, yellow squash, cucumber and carrots (all raw)
Alfalfa Sprouts
Avocado
Steamed Snapper brushed with a little soy sauce and sesame oil

How to roll:

Shrimp 'Pasta' with 'Cream' Sauce

 Veggie 'pasta' dishes have become the 'it' dish lately and I wanted to try out my own healthy version. In my search for a spiralizer (used to turn vegetables like zucchini into spiraled, curly, pasta-like strands) I came across the julienne peeler for only $8 bucks at Williams-Sonoma, which does the job for a fraction of the cost! I wanted a cream sauce, and since I gave up dairy I'm faking it with this awesome avocado 'Alfredo' sauce. This dish turned out to be very filling and guilt free, I even convinced my sister and a few of my friends to try it that same night! This dish is super easy so I hope you give it a try!!

The 'Pasta"

Ingredients:

Zucchini

Yellow Squash

Carrot (which I thought of using too late to put into this particular dish)

Fresh Peas
Shrimp (pre-cooked)

2 Seeded and Diced Plum Tomatoes

'Cream' Sauce
Ripe Hass Avocado, pitted
1/2 lemon, juiced
1-2 garlic cloves, to taste
Fresh Basil or Dried Itallian Seasoning
2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
Freshly ground black pepper

1/2 tsp kosher salt
Parmesan cheese is optional - I didn't use any because I'm off of dairy and I didn't have any of the fake vegan stuff on hand.

Super Easy Directions:
Smash all the sauce ingredients into a food processor and blend until creamy. You can add a little water if it looks too thick.
Steam or boil the peas to desired tenderness.
Julienne the veggies! Stop when you get to the seeded core because that part is too watery. Toss the 'pasta' and tomatoes in a dry pan to warm them up a bit, but do not actually cook it through or it will be mushy. Add the pre-cooked shrimp and peas to warm and mix it up. Gently toss in the avocado cream sauce using tongs. DONE! 

Vegetarian Chili

When I stopped eating meat, I quickly discovered that all meat substitutes were not created equal. A lot of them contain fillers, shit I can't pronounce and massive amounts of sodium making them worse for you than just eating meat itself. Others are made out of wheat gluten -not a fan at all. Then, I discovered Marjon Tofu Crumbles which are made with organic GMO-Free soybeans. Score! This product is cholesterol free, gluten free, vegan, lactose free, low carb, sugar free, pre-cooked, mildly seasoned, low sodium and ready to use. I use it to make chili and honestly cant tell its not ground beef. Check out my super easy chili recipe when I want something really quick, warm and filling but healthy. You basically just dump stuff in a pot and it only takes 30 min to make! Tard-proof.

Ingredients:

Packet of low sodium chili seasoning

1 package of Tofu Crumbles
1 14 1/2 ounce can of fire roasted diced tomatoes, undrained
1 16 ounce can of kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 8 ounce can of tomato sauce
1 small onion diced
diced green/red pepper
diced celery

minced jalapeño


Saute the onion, pepper, and celery in the bottom of a pot until the onion turns a little translucent. Add the tofu crumbles and saute for about 3-5 min.  Add the rest of the ingredients. Bring to a boil. Turn to low, cover and simmer for 15-20 min stirring occasionally. Top with some green onion, fat free sour cream and fat free shredded cheese. 

Side note: I usually don't add the whole packet of chili seasoning and I add a little cayenne pepper because I like it spicy. I also use organic canned goods...

Kale Chips And Dip

Everyone who knows me knows about my love for all things green and leafy. I've recently discovered that a lot of my girlfriends love kale chips as much as I do! These are a fantastic alternative to your average television snack. 



Ingredients:

1 pound of curly organic kale
3 tbs extra-virgin olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
Salt and freshly ground pepper
1 cup of fat-free plain Greek yogurt
1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
2 tablespoon squeezed lemon juice

Chips and Dip

Preheat your oven to 375°. Remove the hard stems from the middle of the kale and rip into large pieces. In a bowl, toss the kale with 2 tablespoons of the olive oil and one clove of minced garlic. Spread the kale on baking sheets and roast in the oven for about 15-20 minutes, until crispy. I like to shake the pans a bit half way through the cooking time. Season the kale with salt and pepper and transfer to a large platter.


In a small bowl, whisk the yogurt with the lemon zest and juice and the remaining garlic and 1 tablespoon of oil. Season with salt and pepper.

Dip and Enjoy!

Fuck Cancer || Eat Watercress

I'm hiding from cancer behind this leafy green superfood. I'm completely convinced that if I eat enough of it I'll be healthy forever. That being said, I cram a ton of this stuff into my diet... so much so that I'm surprised I haven't mentioned it to you all before. I even yell at my mother to eat more of it. You don't have to believe me, just Google it! The G never lies...

-Eating watercress daily can significantly reduce DNA damage to blood cells, which is considered to be an important trigger in the development of cancer,

- Research from the University of Southampton has revealed that a plant compound in watercress may have the ability to suppress breast cancer cell development. 

The articles go on forever. I have yet to dig out the actual trials though - the scientist in me is screaming. I refuse to look; afraid I may sit and criticize the work, in turn, swearing off eating cruciferous vegetables all together! I mean, we all know that academic publishing is a bit flawed. Trials often go missing in action: Ten trials may have been done but only two have a positive result. Those two will appear in an academic journal, while the other eight with unfavorable results got lost in a shredder somewhere. But, I digress.. Shit, what were we talking about again? OH RIGHT! Population studies aside - watercress is delicious and if it doesn't ward of cancer I'm pretty sure it wont give it to you. Watercress also contains significant amounts of iron, calcium, iodine, and folic acid, in addition to vitamins A and C. - Look, it's just plain good for you. 

It's pretty peppery when raw (nothing a little citrus can't handle) but cooked it has a much milder flavor.  I put it on sandwiches, in salads, soups - sauté it, boil it, steam it, eat it raw in handfuls with the fridge door open... Most of the time I just throw it in some veggie broth with some tofu for a few minutes and just eat it.

But, check out this super easy soup. You can use potatoes in lieu of the cauliflower but this way is healthier.

Easy Watercress and Cauliflower Soup

Olive Oil
Small chopped onion

2 cloves minced garlic
Head cauliflower cut up
2 cups of low-sodium chicken stock
2 cups of water
1 bunch watercress

2 Laughing Cow Cheese Wedges (optional)
Salt
Freshly ground pepper

In a big pot, saute onion in a little bit of olive oil until soft and translucent add garlic. Add the cut up cauliflower, stock, pinch of salt and pepper, and water. Bring to a boil. Cover and simmer until cauliflower is super soft. Add the cheese wedges if you want and stir it around until it dissolves. (gives it some flavor and makes it a touch creamier) Stir in watercress.
Puree soup in a blender... not all of it at once or it will spray molten veggie mush in your face. If you're a fancy pants and have an immersion blender use that.

Tofu 'Caprese'

So, I'm totally stealing this recipe from world renowned 'BAMF' David Chang. David is chef/owner of the Momofuku restaurant group and fellow bourbon lover - as shown Here. I'm on a crappy diet which doesn't let me have cheese, or anything good at all for that matter. However, I've decided that dieting doesn't have to suck completely and whipped up this salad for lunch today. The recipe calls for 'shiso leaf' which is an Asian culinary herb in the mint family. Luckily, I can find it on occasion at Japanese Market, but if you can't find it in your area you can substitute basil or mint or chive etc. Tofu, soft or firm - whatever you feel like. Today I went with soft. 

Without further ado... My totally unoriginal stolen recipe! 

Cherry Tomato & Tofu Salad

(Makes 2 servings)

2 teaspoons soy sauce

A few drops of toasted sesame oil

A dash of sherry vinegar

1 to 2 tablespoons olive oil

Sea salt

Fresh-ground black pepper

1 teaspoon sesame seeds

1 cup ripe cherry tomatoes, halved

2 slices very fresh tofu or yuba (tofu skin), 1/2-inch thick and about 2 by 4 inches

Shiso leaves

Combine soy sauce, sesame oil, vinegar and olive oil, and season with salt and pepper to taste. Toasted sesame oil is very potent and should be used sparingly. Add dressing and sesame seeds to the cherry tomatoes and mix together. Arrange tofu on a plate and spoon over tomatoes and dressing. Cut fresh shiso leaves into fine ribbons, or tear leaves into pieces, and scatter over tomatoes and tofu, then serve.

From David Chang, as published in “In the Green Kitchen” by Alice Waters

"Set It...And Forget It!"

    Allow me to take a moment to tell you about my favorite thing in my kitchen aside from the slapchop. Ok, completely kidding about the Slapchop! However, the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie is seriously the bee's knees. My sister gave me this for one of my birthdays and its been my favorite ever since. Yes, that's right, I'm talking about the infomercial product that your insomniac ass watches at 4am. Inventor Ron Popeil really did it this time..(The same guy that sprayed his own baldspot on tv with a can of spray hair) 


   Forget the Pajama-Jeans, Snuggie, and ShamWow... The Showtime Rotisserie is the only 'as seen on TV' item you should be buying. The spinning poultry looks as enticing on TV as it does in real life, trust me. You will never buy another pre-made supermarket chicken again!  Not only does it make perfect juicy chickens, it also does bitchin' standing rib roasts, leg of lamb, whole thanksgiving turkey, pork loin, you name it. It comes with a basket for burgers, wings, fish, chicken breasts, veggies etc. It also includes self-turning meat and poultry kabob rods, a Round Rib Basket makes baby back ribs and a veggie steamer that goes on top. 


Just shut up and buy one. It's only 4 easy payments of $39.95!!!!!!!!   Click Here 

IF YOU ACT NOW: you also get flavor injectors... Syringes to shoot-up your meat with liquid marinades or solids.

Directions:

1. Take raw chicken and rub on whatever crap you have in your spice cabinet. 
2. Stab raw chicken with rotisserie spears. 
3. Set little timer on the side to 15 Min Per Lbs.(abt an hr for most standard sized roaster chickens) 
4. Then, let 'er spin! 

Yes, it's that simple... Just SET IT AND FORGET IT! Perfection every single flippin' time! Even the mentally challenged can be culinary geniuses with this bad boy.